In most families, the bond between a father and child is seen as fundamentaa source of safety, love, and guidance. Quoting a news release https://pafikutaikab.org/ however, psychologists are now observing a growing number of cases in which children deliberately distance themselves from their fathers, both emotionally and physically. This phenomenon, sometimes called “voluntary fatherlessness,” is complex and often misunderstood. Behind it lies a mix of emotional hurt, unmet needs, and deep psychological defense mechanisms.
When Presence Feels Like Absence
According to Dr. Laila Pratama, a clinical psychologist specializing in family therapy, rejection rarely comes out of nowhere. “Children don’t simply wake up one day deciding they don’t want a father,” she explains. “It’s usually the result of long-term emotional neglect, harsh parenting, or unresolved conflict within the family.”
Even when a father is physically present, his emotional absence can leave deep scars. Many children report feeling unseen, criticized, or pressured rather than loved. Over time, they learn that avoiding their father is less painful than seeking approval that never comes. “This emotional withdrawal is a form of self-protection,” Dr. Laila adds. “Children are trying to control the pain by cutting off its source.”
The Role of Emotional Safety
One of the most common reasons children reject their fathers is a lack of emotional safety. When a father’s presence is associated with anger, intimidation, or criticism, a child’s instinct is to retreat. “A child’s brain is wired for safety,” says Dr. Laila. “If the father represents fear or unpredictability, the child’s coping mechanism becomes distance.”
In some cases, this rejection occurs after years of exposure to emotional or verbal abuse. But even subtle forms of neglect — such as dismissing a child’s feelings or prioritizing work over family time — can send the message that the relationship is not emotionally secure.
The Impact of Parental Conflict
Psychologists also note that ongoing conflict between parents can influence a child’s perception of their father. When children witness repeated arguments, infidelity, or abandonment, they may internalize resentment or disappointment toward the father figure.
“Children are deeply empathetic,” explains Dr. Rendy Harsono, a child psychologist and family counselor. “If they see their mother constantly hurt or stressed by their father, they may reject him out of loyalty or emotional alignment with the parent they see as more nurturing.”
In divorced or separated families, this can lead to what experts call “parental alienation” — when one parent unconsciously reinforces a negative image of the other, causing the child to emotionally detach.
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A Silent Cry for Healing
While father rejection can appear as rebellion or defiance, psychologists interpret it as an expression of pain. “When a child says, ‘I don’t need my father,’ what they often mean is, ‘My father hurt me,’ or ‘I don’t feel safe with him,’” Dr. Rendy explains. “It’s a coping strategy, not a true desire for separation.”
Addressing this issue requires empathy and professional support. Family therapy can help rebuild trust by creating safe spaces for open communication. Fathers are encouraged to listen without defensiveness, acknowledge past mistakes, and show consistent care through actions rather than promises.
Rebuilding Connection
Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but experts believe reconciliation is possible when both sides commit to understanding and change. Dr. Laila emphasizes that children don’t truly want to be fatherless — they want to feel loved and accepted. “When fathers become emotionally available, patient, and sincere, children often find their way back,” she says.
Behind every child who rejects their father lies a story of unmet needs — and within that story, the possibility of healing remains. Rebuilding trust may be difficult, but for many families, it is also the first step toward rediscovering love that was never truly lost.
